Seasons

I've spent a lot of time, in the past few months, recollecting the past and trying to understand it more clearly so that I may find wisdom through the lessons that are to be learned through the mistakes of our youth. I've done my best to see every angle of every situation and forced myself to be open to the fact that I am far from perfect... and I've seen myself in new lights, most of them very dim. I've tried to understand why I lost the friends I did and the actions that brought about their departure... and I've done my best to forgive. It seems this world we live in isn't the only thing that moves in seasons but, the little social worlds we create for ourselves as well. I've spent the past couple of years as a part a music "scene" in my area that has taken me top the highest of highs and lowest of lows and, in some instances, made me regret allowing them that much of a part of my happiness. I look through old photos and see pictures of my arm around people that used to be closest of friends, that no longer acknowledge me, even in passing. People I used to spend days on end with, I couldn't be alone with in a room without an awkward air. Some people say I hold too strongly to the past, maybe so, but I don't wish for its return. I suppose I just wonder why so many people would rather trade brotherhood for bitterness, or if I just fooled myself into thinking this was anything more than basic camaraderie.

I've never been partial to cold weather, but I've always felt as though winters existed to teach me to appreciate the spring. The last year and half or more have been a winter for me, it took me this long to understand that spring will come again and I won't be so naive as to waste this one indoors.