Pillarist 2010 LP Lyrics

All our prayers were never answered cause all our dreams were just our cancer. The wasted hopes and the wasted ambition, gone with all of the best intentions. Ive got more problems than solutions, feel like I'm lost in the disillusion. Drowning in all my apathy in a world that made a cynic out of me. This ain't the way it's supposed to be. A mind already defeated at 20. This ain't the way I pictured me. Afraid of the life set before me. I wear this chip on my shoulder like a crown, left with nothing but bitterness for all the letdowns. I guess I'm tired of dreaming in color only to wake in black and white.

Somehow I always end up surrounded by the things that always seem to break my mind. All the things I could have; should have said, all the nights I left myself for dead are all I have to make my bed. Sometimes it's not as easy as just letting go, the past isn't what we had and miss but the things we did and can't forget... but I stood by and let a good man die.

Have you ever felt like waking is just to a nightmare of your own making. Seeking clarity only feeling desperate when you ask yourself where everyone went. Everyone you tried to love walked away and it's all because you live this way. Losing so much in semantics because you're so frantic to just show all the lessons you hope they'll never have to fucking learn. A hope you'll never be this, never have to see this way, never have to live this way. A man that the sun forgot to shine on finding out he was only running from the dawn.

Goodbye to the voices that you heard time has released me from their chains and left me with what I've learned... but I see myself in every single one of you. No one is worth anything but the marks they leave on you... and no one can take from me the pride that gave me reason to believe that there are things beyond what I see that are the things I want for me... but myself, I don't want to wake a bitter man, unrecognized under all the scars. This young man's not ready yet, I'm not ready yet.

Pride means nothing when you stoop so low to protect it, what is it worth when you sacrifice your integrity to keep what you do not have? All the shit you spoonfeed and all the lies along the way are just as useless as the apologies you waste. I'm sick of this being just another stupid fucking trend but I wouldn't write these words if I wanted it to end. I want your eyes to open and your hearts to bleed. I want this one to be different but you won't hear me. I don't give a fuck! I won't be another black sheep painting myself white.

I've spent the last year standing alone in stinging rain, drowning away all blame and the failures that brought me shame. Broken so long that I just learned to wear it well, broken so long I found comfort living in my own hell. Too sick and tired to try to move on, too sick of looking for answers with nothing to go on. When my reflection holds reality that the only one to blame is me and all the times I have fucking burned was just the way I chose to learn. I find nothing. I am nothing.

Don't ask me questions that you don't want answered, I'm the prodigal son that can't be cured of this cancer. Nights in the places that you used to call home doing all the things you said you wished you'd never done. I find myself all the things I prayed I'd never be, just like the man I could never make proud of me. I feel like I've got no future to find, just to be you in another time, just another in a long line to never pay his son any mind. Will I ever rid my head of this voice? The cynical reminder that I'll fail no matter the choice. I never had a chance, did I? Brought up only to lose by a man who's been defeated. I left myself in pieces all over this godforsaken town. I left my blood, sweat, and tears all over the ground. I've lived my life for nothing! All of the mistakes you've made are all the things in me I hate!